"the lesson"

"today, i learned that stars are really meant to be enjoyed from afar. they may entice you to come near, encourage you to try and reach out for them, and however unknowingly, allow you to believe you can. but the only thing they could truly accept is a sacrifice–the death of your dreams in exchange for an attempt that would never succeed. he who tries to reach, the foolish one, is to be cursed with such terrible helplessness. the death is far from painless. but the worst part is this: the stars twinkle as your dreams die. they return your mourning with iridescent lights of laughter. and then they tell you to try again, this time in exchange for your own death. and foolish one, what can you do? they are stars, so pretty, so perfect–so perfectly out of reach and yet maybe, just maybe, if you wish hard enough, if you TRY hard enough, you could hold one in your hand. and so you yield foolish one. you yield, and the lesson dies with you. you tell yourself a story before you close your eyes for the last time, and you begin, 'today i learned that stars are really meant to be enjoyed from afar.' twinkle, twinkle go the stars…"

fate is a bitch

why do you keep playing me?
you know i'm such a sucker for coincidences.


you always give me hope
just when i had given up.
and then you take it back
like it's not even funny.


and here you go again.
and here i go sucking it all up. 
again.


bitch.

coming home

'tis a shivering
moonless night
on this road of infinity,
with just the lucent stars as aegis,
i valiantly move forth;

capricious and fluctuant,
i continue my ceaseless trek,
carrying through without everything-
but barely an ounce
of faith;

for, in due course,
i will get there,
and then finally i could breathe-
thank heavens!
thank god!
i am home, home!
oh, yes, i am home at last!

this is my church
this is where i heal my hurts...

-faithless, god is a dj

lately, i've been pondering

how i got this far.

i've seen the best of times,

i've seen the worst of times.
i must be much stronger now.


but, am i?


in retrospect, i wonder
how i got through everything
back when i had barely nothing.


then i remember,
i had my blog.


this is my church blog
this is where i heal my hurts.


it's that time again.

that i would be good even if i lost sanity
that i would be good
whether with or without you

yahoo!

had an interview this morning at yahoo philippines.
for partner account manager.

i kinda knew from the start that it was a long shot.
that being short-listed was already something.

but can you blame me if my delusion of being a corporate hotshot came rushing back after seeing all these yuppies with their shiny briefcases strutting down the plush streets of bonifacio global city?

suddenly i wanted the job. badly.

although i had this feeling they were initially impressed with my credentials, the interview was a complete disaster.

well, at least that was what i thought.

i guess i was too intimidated. overwhelmed even.
or i just didn't do my homework.
or i am simply not ready for it yet.
because even if i get the job, i'm not sure if i will be able to deliver.

but when will i ever be ready?

and when i am, who will still be there to hire me?

i was rejected by google.
now my application for yahoo is not looking good.

i used to be resilient. and persistent.
but this time i don't know if i would still be able to move forward.

it's getting hopeless.

all i do is try.
i think i've tried enough.
i can only try so much.

i'm tired. really.

hayaan mo na.

found this masterpiece by an amateur poet
in the most unexpected place.
the first time i read it, it made me choke.
yeah. it did strike a chord.

i just think it's lovely.

hayaan mo na ang saranggola

sabi mo, paliliparin nating dalawa ang saranggola.

hawak ko ang kapirasong kahoy kung saan nag mumula ang pisi ng ating gawa.
samantalang pinili mong dalhin ang saranggola sa malayo,
at nangakong bibitawan mo sa panahong sapat na ang hanging magdadala nito paitaas.

sabi mo, paliliparin nating dalawa ang saranggola.

halos maubos na ang rolyo ng pisi at halos hindi na kita matanaw.

ako ay naiwan at umaasang sa tamang dampi ng hangin,
hihigpit ang kapit ng pisi at bahagya mong iaangat ang saranggola.

akala ko, na sa ating dalawa ang pangarap na mapalipad ang saranggola.
nanatili ako at naghintay sa iyo, para sabay nating masilayan ang tagumpay.

sabi mo, paliliparin natin ang saranggola.

lumipas na ang hangin na magdadala sana ng ating saranggola sa langit.
mahigpit na ang pisi na tanging nagdurugtong sa ating dalawa.
sabi mo paliliparin natin ang saranggola, pero bakit ayaw mong pakawalan ito?
ihintayin mo bang maputol ang hiblang tanging nag uugnay sa atin?

hayaan mo na. hayaan mo na.